This time last year I was a mess, having just come home early. I was so upset and anxiety ridden. I felt betrayed, hurt, lonely, misunderstood, and hopeless. I was mad at myself and I thought that all the people who told me I couldn't and shouldn't go on a mission were right. I felt as if I was a failure. I felt as though I had let God down, and that he couldn't love me anymore. I remember those first few days as a blur between crying and pretending that I was okay.
Now it has been a year. It has been one of the hardest years of my life. I have been through more then I thought I ever could have survived. I have sobbed until I thought my heart would burst. I have been mad at God. I have been spiritually and emotionally numb. I have all but given up. BUT I have prayed and relied on others. I have found healing in the temple. I have learned not to listen to the negative comments of others. I have gained a stronger testimony of the atonement. I have given of myself when I didn't think I could. I have been an example and a hope to others. I have ultimately become one step closer to who God wants me to be.
If I could go back and change what happened I wouldn't, and couldn't. What happened to me a year ago made me the person I am today. I am closer to the daughter of God that he wants me to be. A mission would have made me better too I am sure, but not in the way God intended.
Life is hard and if you are going through a trial or hardship right now it is hard to see how it will be in a year. But I promise that if you just hold on and trust God you will become better because of it.
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