Finding peace

     When I first got home peace seemed like a hope that could not be realized. I was too upset, and too hurt. Of course I wanted peace but it did not seem like it was ever going to come. At first I tried to find peace from others. Usually friends, returned missionaries and family. Their wise words would help to ease the pain for a moment. The peace given by them lasted only  until I started to beat myself up again. I then started trying too look inside myself for peace, really try to forgive myself. That method gave me glimpses of peace. And then I gave up. 

    All this time, for months, I was looking for peace in the wrong places. It is only when I started to use the atonement and look to God that I felt lasting peace. I still found peace through inward glimpses and the wise words of others. But that was just supplemental. My real peace came from the recurring thought that Christ was with me. That everything was going to be okay. God had a plan for me and I was following that plan. I had suffered a few bumps and bruises but God always picked me up again. The atonement covered me like a blanket and finally I felt peace. Not to say that I never kicked off the blanket but it was always there waiting for me. 

    Peace can be found. You just have to look for it in the right places. Never give up peace will come. Stay strong and have courage

The Refiners Fire: A year home

     This time last year I was a mess, having just come home early.  I was so upset and anxiety ridden. I felt betrayed, hurt, lonely, misunderstood, and hopeless. I was mad at myself and I thought that all the people who told me I couldn't and shouldn't go on a mission were right. I felt as if I was a failure. I felt as though I had let God down, and that he couldn't love me anymore. I remember those first few days as a blur between crying and pretending that I was okay.
    Now it has been a year. It has been one of the hardest years of my life. I have been through more then I thought I ever could have survived. I have sobbed until I thought my heart would burst. I have been mad at God. I have been spiritually and emotionally numb. I have all but given up. BUT I have prayed and relied on others. I have found healing in the temple. I have learned not to listen to the negative comments of others. I have gained a stronger testimony of the atonement. I have given of myself when I didn't think I could. I have been an example and a hope to others. I have ultimately become one step closer to who God wants me to be. 
     If I could go back and change what happened I wouldn't, and couldn't. What happened to me a year ago made me the person I am today. I am closer to the daughter of God that he wants me to be. A mission would have made me better  too I am sure, but not in the way God intended.
    Life is hard and if you are going through a trial or hardship right now it is hard to see how it will be in a year. But I promise that if you just hold on and trust God you will become better because of it.